Lessons I need to Learn

This past week I received my first annual performance review in many years.  The negative feedback that I received during the course of the review wasn’t a surprise, its the same feedback that I’ve received review after review throughout my life.   I’m memorializing these items in an effort to assist me to remember them, as in order to continue to move forward in my career I have to overcome them. 

  1. Interpersonal Relationships:  I tend to come off as distant and somewhat cold in work situations.   It isn’t that I don’t care, its that I care more about the task at hand while discussing work, then I do about who is delivering the information to me.
  2. Condescension:   In keeping with the interpersonal relationships theme above, this is another thing that I struggle with.  When I talk to someone, I’m brusque, and to the point.   This often times comes across as condescending, intellectually I understand that this is people’s perception, emotionally I don’t understand how anyone could think I was condescending.  I whole heartily believe that I have things to learn from everyone.
  3. Ask questions but don’t debate — there is a fine line between debate, and asking questions to help gain understanding.  I am often guilty of asking questions to “test” the other person’s resolve, and their firmness of opinion.

The single biggest suggestion I received from my manager and friend, was to make sure that I take the time to understand the difference between leadership and management.   The difference between control and influence.

I’ve spent the past day reading, and trying to understand what it is about me that makes other’s feel that way, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I still don’t completely understand the why, but I do understand more about how to overcome the deficiencies that were pointed out to me.

  • ABL – Always be listening.  I listen, but I listen usually to the point that I understand where the person is going with a given statement, and then focus on how I should respond, sometimes summarizing what I think they’re saying before they even finish.  I have to stop this.  In a world where I’m seeking to gain influence, and not control listening to how people say things, is almost as important as what they’re saying.   
  • Share Tasks — I tend to give assignments and tasks, without always communicating the bigger picture, and where the rest of my thoughts are with how the task or assignment fits into the bigger picture.   While I will not always be able to share the entire bigger picture, everyone understanding where they fit into the cycle and how their input helps against that larger picture draws them into the team, and makes them feel a part of something larger.
  • Celebrate Accomplishments — Something I need to get better with.  I tend to not celebrate the completion of a milestone, or a project because there is always something next.  To me the completion is as much of a celebration as I need.   Most people aren’t like that, most people need recognition of their accomplishments. 
  • Take Blame — Truthfully I think this is something I’m already fairly good at, but I put too much of a joking spin on it when I say that “Everything is my fault” to the team.  In order to get better, I need to remember that laughter when taking blame isn’t seen as appropriate.   Fault doesn’t matter in the heat of the moment, we must worry about a fix when something goes wrong, and address the responsibility issues as a followup.

 

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Lessons I need to Learn

  1. I just know you from Twitter, so I think this is my first time brushing through this blog. This post stood out for me as I get similar comments on my reviews.

    When I interviewed for my current position, my friend and boss asked a really tough question about whether I would be able to delegate. A concern was coming from the go-to person for everything, would I be able to allow others to do the task their way or would I micromanage?

    A blog I read is http://randsinrepose.com/ and several of his posts have been revised and collected into a couple books. They were helpful for me.
    * Managing Humans
    * Being Geek

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